If you look into my life, and see what I see.

As I was driving down the Eisenhower this evening, Mary's "My Life" came on the radio. "If you look into my life, and see what I see." Well unlike Mary I am uncertain of what I see in my life. You see after all these years I am still trying to figure me out. I decided that perhaps writing about me will allow me to see myself through a different set of lens. So I title my blog "Living with Ray."

I have wanted to blog for a very long time. It was out of fear that I put it off for so long. I was afraid that others would read my blog, and decide that I was not a great writer and incompetent. Although I have achieved graduate degrees, a certain level of success, and have been recognized for my work in research, I continue to doubt my competence. I have on countless occasions developed various tests to determine to convince myself that I was competent, and if I really knew what I was doing. Yes, to some degree I know I am not ignorant but I just don't feel I am good enough.

"Good Enough" I will elaborate more on this later.

As I sit here and write. I am moved to tears because of the pain I feel. I hope that by sharing this blog will begin my healing process. I do not plan to write tear jerking posts, nor am I looking for sympathy. I only want a place where I can write about me and, process what it's like living with me.

You can be assured that I am not schizophrenic, and that I do not suffer from multiple personalities. And I do not hear audible voices nor do I see visions that others don't see. Well maybe the visions in another context.

Writing is cathartic. I have always enjoyed writing, and at one time wanted to be a writer. Perhaps once I have completed my doctorate, and have developed my private practice, I will have time to work on the book I have envisioned writing.