Twice As Good

I mentioned in a previous post about being "Good Enough." I was raised in the projects during a time when leaving your door unlocked was not uncommon. My mother trusted her neighbors,and believed that everyone watched out for each other. This was a time when everyone believed in the Great American Dream. If you worked hard enough there was nothing that you could not accomplish.
Although my parents believed in the Great American Dream, their southern upbringing caused them to doubt the validity of such a notion. Both of my parents were reared in the south during a time when Jim Crow laws were in existence. They learned first hand what it meant to be poor, and black in the south. They knew that hard work did indeed pay off but it required more than just hard work. My mother bless her heart believed that white people only looked out for each other. She also did not believe that they would advocate for blacks if it meant putting their own kind as second.
I learned first hand what it meant to be "Twice as Good". My mother sat me down as a young boy and told me, "You have to be twice as good as them (white people), to be accepted for half their worth. This was a hard pill to swallow for me as a child. I learned from this lesson that the playing ground would never be even. I believed that my academic status would never be Good Enough. Although this lesson helped me in many ways, such as striving to always do my best it also hindered me.
I do not fault my mom because she instructed me out of concern. She knew being a black man in America would not be easy, and that I needed to understand my play ground. When I say her instructions hindered me, I say this because I have a difficult time excepting my achievements. I feel that whatever I do, that it is never good enough.
Perhaps with time and a good therapist,I will learn to accept and love me for being me.