I Am Changing but not the Dream Girls Version: (part 1)

It's been some time since I have posted an update to my blog Life with Ray. I decided to title this "I am Changing." Of course when I hear these 3 words, I am reminded of the the song from Dream Girls. But I am changing in a different way

I have reached an age where I am beginning to learn that I do not have anything to prove to anyone. I am my own person, and a person I am proud to call me. You see this was not always the case. I spent many years ashamed of me and the life I wanted to live. Sure, I can blame much of this on the ministers that preached their homophobic messages. And I can blame it on the African American community that has never embraced me and my lifestyle.


The Ministers: For many years I have sat quietly trying not to draw attention to myself, while my pastor preached against my lifestyle. He quoted scriptures that convinced me that I was bound for hell, unless I changed my sexual preferences. He also said that I made a choice to be this way. "Funny" is what they called it at the time. Well I can assure you there was never a time in my life when I was presented with a choice, either choose to be homosexual or you can choose to be heterosexual.

There was never a choice. You see I was born a man that was attracted to other men. I really detest many of the labels they have chosen for me. So I have chosen to call myself "same gender loving" or sgl. If it is necessary to understand me, use this term and it will be clear. I am simply a man who loves being with another man.

I struggled with this for many years, and even sometimes today. You see I never made a choice to be sgl, I was sgl at birth. I was never molested as a child as I understand many were. I was raised with a mother and a father in the home. Some say that this is caused by a domineering mother, or in homes where the father is absent. Although both of my parents were together during my childhood, my dad was absent much of the time. Dad was busy working two jobs, and later I learned fathering other children while mom raised us. Yes, I did have strong female role models as a child. Actually there were three, my grandmother, aunt, and my mom. These were loving women, my support and foundation. I'm sadden to think that only one of these lovely women are alive. These women have left me a legacy to be proud of, and a lifetime of wonderful memories and magical moments. Every child should have the opportunity to experience being loved.

I shamefully admit that I have not been to church for a very long time. I am also more shameful to admit that I lie to my mother, and she believes that I attend faithfully. I decided that I was no longer going to support a ministry that referred to my lifestyle as unnatural, or an abomination. Currently I am seeking a ministry that welcomes me, and makes me feel welcome.

African American Communities: This is a hot topic and one that many will not agree upon. I am part of a community that does not embrace my lifestyle, nor does it accept me a same gender loving man. I tested this hypothesis on two of my closet female friends. I made a statement that the African American community is the reason why many men chose to be on the down low. Well as you can imagine it caused quite a stir. Of course my friends did not agree with me, and I did not expect them to. Our disagreement did not jeopardize our friendship, because we have always been able to agree to disagree.

There is so much more I could say regarding the African American communities distaste for my lifestyle, that I have decided to continue this blog in part 2 of "I am Changing."